Lenten Litany

The wonderful thing about it being 190 days since my last blog entry is that there is an amazingly good chance no one even reads this anymore.

 Which gives me a "no holes barred" freedom to post whatever I want without worrying about not being witty enough, or entertaining enough, or offending too much. Excellent!

 Lots of things have happened in the last 190 days, and I've meant to post here and there. I've even logged in, started new posts, and stared at the blank screen, only to close it in frustration and let yet another day go by posting...nothing.

 But I miss it. I miss getting my thoughts out of my crazy head. And I miss having this "semi-up-to-date" so I can go back and see a record of our life.

So I'm just going to dive in and begin again. For my sanity.

 The Season of Lent begins tomorrow.

 And even though the Season of Lent is about sacrifice, I've always enjoyed it. I love Ash Wednesday Mass. I am old enough to remember tomato soup and grilled cheese or fish being served for lunch on Fridays during Lent, even though I went to public school. I love. Love. LOVE Easter. And this is kind of crazy, but I've always enjoyed picking something to "give up" for forty days.

 The reasons for this are two-fold:
 1. I have a tendency to start things, and not finish them. I think it's undiagnosed ADHD. So there was always an enormous sense of satisfaction when I actually did (or didn't do) something consistently for forty days.
 2. I am a rule-follower. I tend to see things in the black and white. So lent was always kind of "fun" as a child and teenager--how "close" could I get to the line between black and white without going over? I was the kid who would give up chocolate, and eat "around" all of the chocolate chips on a chocolate chip cookie.

Even as an adult, I struggle with the "letter of the law" vs. the "spirit of the law." But that's another post. :o)

 In my crazy, busy, searching adult life, I got away from the discipline of the Lenten season. Last year, I decided to purposefully participate in a way that I hadn't since I was in college. I attended the evening Ash Wednesday Mass at the church my grandmother and I attended when I was in high school. I don't think I'd been there since I last went with her...close to 20 years ago. I had picked something to give up--animal products. I was going "vegan" for Lent. And I had made those resolutions to myself that I always make at times like these...pray every day, do a devotion every day, read my Bible every day.

 I was ready.

 My faith is such an interesting thing. I don't have a "conversion" experience, a defining moment, anything like that. I can't ever remember not believing. There are times when--honestly? I've wished I was an unbeliever. I think it would be easier. I wouldn't have to try to explain to myself why bad things happen to good people, why life isn't fair, etc. But I can't get there. Life for me doesn't make sense without God. Even more than it doesn't make sense with Him. If that makes sense...:o)

 So I went to church and as I was sitting there, I encountered God. Well? Shouldn't we encounter God when we go to church?  Honestly...most of the time, I don't.

 And at the time, I wished I hadn't.

 My "encounter with God" went something like this:

 God: Are you serious about this Lent thing?

 Me: What do you mean? Of course I am. I'm here. In church. I'm getting the ashes. I'm going vegan. I had my last piece of absolutely amazing bleu cheese for the next forty days right before I arrived. I signed up for a daily devotion to come to my email and I'm going to read it every day.

 God: Really? You're serious about the spirit of this discipline? About growing closer to Me? Seeing just a little bit better what forty days in the wilderness was like for My Son? Preparing yourself for His sacrifice?

 Me: Umm...I think so. Yes. Sure. I am.

 God: Okay then. Let Me be perfectly honest with you. I don't really care if you eat animal products or not for the next forty days. But there is some stuff that I care about very much that I need you to give up. And I'm not just asking for a forty day "vacation." I mean give up. For good. Are you in?

 Remember when I said sometimes I wish I was an unbeliever?

 This was one of those times.

 I didn't answer God right then. I participated in the mass, left the church, and prepared to "go vegan" for forty days by not getting chicken, cheese, or sour cream on my salad at Chipotle.

 But in the end, my answer to God was, "Yes. I'm in." There never really was any other answer to give.

 And here I sit, on the eve of another Lenten Season.

 Ash Wednesday Mass is at 7 am tomorrow.

 I've noticed that Taco Bell now has "fish tacos" and Wendy's has a "fish sandwich" on the menu.

 I've signed up for yet another Lenten devotional to come to my email account. 

I'm "eating clean" for Lent--I've dabbled in it for the last couple of months, but cheated and fell off the wagon every time. So for the next forty days, no processed foods, no grains, no dairy. No kidding.

 My dear friend, Julie just texted to ask when she can bring by some 'creme brulee' for my last dairy and sugar 'hurrah.'  I suspect she's coming to see me one last time before I turn into a total hag eating like a health nut.

I'm also giving up facebook.

(And I'm wondering if by giving up facebook, do I have to also give up Pinterest? Or is playing on Pinterest like giving up chocolate and eating the cookie part off of the chocolate chips?)