Ringing in the New Year

I read The Happiness Project by Gretchin Rubin several years ago.  

My friend, Stephanie, loaned it to me. 

Well, I think she meant to loan it to me.  But it's still on my shelf.  Don't loan me your books.  I'm terrible about returning them.

I remember standing in her living room.  Tears were streaming down my face.  It had been a hard year. 

She handed me the book. 

"Here,"  She said.  "I just picked this up at Costco.  You should read it."  

It is worth noting that I now live within ten minutes of a Costco.  It's one of my favorite places.  Every time I tell someone that I found some amazing thing at Costco, I miss Stephanie with a pain that's physical.

I really like Gretchin Rubin.  

What I know of her.  Which isn't much.  

But what's not to like about someone who is basically happy but spends months trying to be happier and then writes about it?  

Plus she grew up in Kansas City.  And you've gotta love people who are from Kansas City.  :)

Anyway, her book had lots of great stuff in it.  But the thing I remember most was this little phrase:

The days are long, but the years are short.

If I had to sum up 2014, I would use that phrase.  The days were long.  Incredibly long.  Unbearably long. Excruciatingly long.  

But at the risk of sounding cliche, it feels like January 1, 2014 was just yesterday.

I won't lie.  

2014 has been hard.  

I no longer feel "new in town," but it doesn't yet feel like "home" here.

I still miss my life in Kansas very much.  

I was visiting with someone the other day who had spent her entire married life here, moved away for a year, and then moved back.  

Because this is home for her.

And for an brief instant, I was crazy jealous.  Yes, because returning to her "home" was a viable option for their family--but also because they consider this place home.

And sometimes I wonder if I ever will.

Don't misunderstand.  I trust that this is where I'm supposed to be.  There are great things about this place.  I'm not trying to complain.

But living here is hard.

For me.

Johanna asked me this evening what my New Year's resolution is.  I told her I didn't really know.

Better Half and I have a tradition of doing a Whole30 during the month of January--but that's not really a resolution.  

I always hope that a month of strict healthy eating will "stick" throughout the rest of the year better than it does.  

I hope to exercise better, keep the house cleaner, be more patient.  But I hope those things all the time.  

Not just at the New Year.

But it would be good to have a resolution for 2015.  Something to distinguish this year from the last one.

So my resolution is this:

I resolve to figure out what my purpose is in being here.  In living in California.  In not living in Kansas.

On the surface, we're here because Better Half's job is here.  

Since I'm a teacher, it's never going to be pragmatic to relocate to a place because of my job.

But I believe there's a reason for me to be here as well.

Hopefully, by the time I post on January 1, 2016, I'll know what it is.  

Or I'll at least be 365 days closer to figuring it out.