It's an Ill Wind That Blows Nobody Good

July, 2012 has pretty much sucked.

It has sucked the most for Better Half, but the entire family has been affected.

My mother-in-law has been fighting an aggressive form of cancer for over two years.  This month, Better Half and his four siblings watched her lose her fight with this terrible disease.

In the midst of the process there was joy and peace and love and laughter and family and mended relationships.  It is holy and sacred to see someone leave this place for the next.  Death, after all isn't the opposite of life.  It is the opposite of birth. And the exit from this place is just an entrance to another, better place.

She was fifty-six.  That's too young to die.  Five children now inhabit a planet where their mother does not.  The world isn't the same when that happens.  My two youngest sisters-in-law won't have their mother to go wedding dress shopping with them.  There will be grandchildren who will never get to meet her.  We all have regrets that we didn't _____________________.  We all just thought we'd have plenty of time.


At Better Half's annual review, he was told that the company he works for is downsizing and consolidating positions, leaving him without employment.

I'll let you in on a little secret:  Job loss is one of my biggest fears.

So now our reality is severance packages, COBRA decisions, resumes, networking, a faltering economy, possible relocation and an (obviously) significant reduction in income.

And a full-time working mommy.  Certainly, this is the least of our problems.  I'm fortunate to have a job and a boss who didn't blink an eye when I asked if I could bump my FTE to 1.0 from 0.5.  Surely, after almost 18 years, it's only fair that I take my turn being responsible for things like health insurance benefits.  But I don't want to.  Yup.  There it is.  My inner two-year-old rears its ugly head.  I like working part time (or not at all).  I like having discretionary income.  I had plans for my time off this school year.  I'm trying not to have a bad attitude.  And I'm successful.  Most of the time.  If I get my coffee quickly enough in the morning.

This switch from part-time to full-time also means a change in my job title and duties for this coming year.  Again.  I had plans for this year.  They didn't include this.  I'll get over it.  Hopefully I'll rise to the challenge and be able to look back on this time and appreciate all that we learned and how much we grew. But right now, I'm tired, depressed, and overwhelmed.  And scared.

I know that in the grand scheme of things, we are incredibly blessed, but still.

I'm really looking forward to the start of next month.  It's got to be an improvement over this one.