Let's Talk Food

Okay, so Better Half and I are doing Whole30.  

In a nutshell, Whole30 isn't a diet or even a lifestyle change.  It doesn't cost any money, or involve any crazy supplements or replacements that say they're "natural," but were processed in a plant and come in a jar and are wicked expensive.  It's basically eating lean meat proteins, lots of veggies, some fruit, and some healthy fats and oils for 30 days to rewire and repair your digestive system and the hormones that control it.  To "undo" all of the damage that's been done by the way a typical American eats.

Casey's top recommended read from 2013?  It Starts with Food by Dallas and Melissa Hartwig.  Not even kidding.  

This was the first book to explain to me why I can and will eat an entire box of Oreos in one sitting and that the fact that I can and will isn't a character defect.

Anyway, we've been talking about doing this together for a couple of months.  And we landed on January.  We figured..."After the holidays."  "After traveling."  

So we set a date to start--Monday, Jan. 6.

Now the program recommends that you PLAN to start this.  You know...clear ALL of the tempting, bad for you, junk out of your cupboards, and get rid of it.  Plan meals, grocery shop, stock a pantry...

Yeah, right.

Problem #1--I have three teenaged children.  No breakfast cereal in the cabinets for 30 days will equal rebellion and mutiny.  Ditto to no milk in the fridge.

Problem #2--Over break, I bought two bags of FairTrade certified chocolate chips at a college classmate's fair trade store.  With Christmas money.  It's stinking hard to find FairTrade chocolate and it's NOT cheap.  There's NO WAY those were going in the trash.  Or even to the neighbor's house.  I"m not that nice.

Problem #3--Try as I might, preparing for things ahead of time just isn't in my nature.  I do my best work in the 11th hour.  I've been rewarded for procrastination too many times to change my ways now.

This brought us to the morning of Day 1.  

Bleary-eyed, I headed downstairs to see what could possibly be put together for breakfast.  (It is important to note that we returned home from a 15 day vacation on Saturday.  This was the following Monday.  And no one had been to the grocery store.)  

Day 1 Breakfast was not promising.  

Fried eggs and a microwaved bag of frozen mixed veggies.  Not even kidding.  It looked something like this:

Actually, it looked exactly like this, minus the vegetables.  Sadly, the vegetables were even less photogenic than the eggs.

It's no wonder Better Half left for work feeling dubious that we would last a DAY, let alone 30.

Enter my new sister-in-law, Susan.  The state of New York declared her legally part of our family when she and my brother got married this past August.  I claimed her long before that.  Anyhoo...

She and Nathan ALSO decided to Whole30 during the month of January.  But she was rocking it a little bit differently that I was.

Like this:

And this:

And this:

And, well, I'm just a teensy bit competitive.  So after that horrible breakfast, and Susan's Facebook posts, I decided to step up my game. 

I rid my house of anything that was going to tempt me to cheat, (breakfast cereal and boxed macaroni and cheese just aren't a temptation for me, so Better Half and I get to maintain the illusion with our kids that we're in charge for a little bit longer) EXCEPT for those chocolate chips, which I stashed in my deep-freeze.  I have plans for them the MINUTE we're done with our 30 days.  :)

And I made a menu, and a grocery list, and went to the store.  

Mealtimes improved.  

Here's what I learned/noticed from this whole business:

1.  Healthy food won't kill you.  

2.  It tastes really good.  

3.  Even kids will eat it. (A note on feeding kids:  I don't have picky children.  I honestly don't know if this is because we've always had an  "A little or a lot?"... "No worries.  If you don't like the dinner option, perhaps you'll like the breakfast one in the morning," approach to mealtimes, or if I just got lucky.)  But our kids have eaten absolutely everything I've made and declared it "make again" or "Hella good."  (Fun Fact:  "Hella" is some sort of Bay Area expression that means "very" or "a lot." Somehow, it has worked its way into my Southern California son's vocabulary. Which I am "hella" excited about.  Not even.)

4.  There is a reason most of these healthy food epiphanies come out of places like California, Texas, and Florida.  Healthy, fresh, food is CHEAP here.  And accessible.  I can buy two pounds of fresh green beans for $0.99.  A bag of frozen is over $1.00.  My sister-in-law had to do a lot more legwork to find stuff in the winter in Brooklyn.  So unless you live in a place of perpetual spring and summer, know that attempting something like this will be dicey in the winter and much easier in spring and summer.

5.  It's nice to have a partner in crime.  Or several.  If for no other reason than conversations like this:

or so you can send "You SUCK" texts to your brother when he drinks a beer and eats a cheeseburger in front of his wife (Solidarity, Sister!), or so you have someone to call up and say, "Do you think I can substitute toasted almond flour for breadcrumbs and omit the Parmesan in my copycat recipe for Unforked's amazing "Hail the Kale" salad? (Thanks, Amanda!!)

We stayed strong.  All of us.  Or most of us. :o)  Which brings me to...

6.  One of the purposes of this whole things is to "Slay the Sugar Demon"--reset how your body craves those over-the-top, factory-produced, sweets.  Yeah.  This particular part of the program hasn't worked on me.  At. All.  I am certain that I need to hire an Exorcist for my sugar demon.  I would happily eat a plate of brownies right now if my sheer competitiveness and legalism wasn't kicking in to get me to the finish line.

7.  Eating out sucks when doing something like this.  Eating socially at all is dicey.  Better Half and I have been SO lucky.  We've had three house guests during the past 24 days and they have all been FANTASTIC sports about Whole30.  They've eaten everything and even told us it was good (see #1).  I've made more meals at home in one continuous streak than I think I have in my entire. married. life.  I'm kind of proud of that.  And really tired of it.  :)

8.  Except for the Sugar Demon thing (and some things are just bigger than home fixes and require professionals), we have experienced all of the health benefits that were promised.  We sleep better. We have less aches and pains. Our workouts are better.  Slowly, we are starting to crave healthy, good food.  

9.  There is something to this "gluten is really bad for you" thing.  The only intentional "cheating" I've done was to take Communion at church on Sunday.  A communion wafer tinier than the size of my fingernail.  Three hours later, I had an unbelievable headache and felt like I was going to be sick.  Not even kidding.  When I add foods back in to my diet, foods with gluten will not be on the list.

10.  My jeans have more room.  Better Half's jeans have more room.  And our recycling bin has more room.  This is largely due to the fact that egg cartons, (which we now buy in massive numbers) take up way less room than wine bottles.  

Complete honesty here?  Super looking forward to a wine bottle or two in the recycle bin, and a dark chocolate wrapper or two in the trash can come February!

In other and completely unrelated news--

I got my hair trimmed and colored on Tuesday.  Conversation after school.

J:  Wow, Mom!  Your hair looks really good!

Corb:  Oh. You got your hair cut?  I just figured you fixed it differently today.

Me:  Didn't you notice the color difference?

Corb:  Well, yeah.  But I just figured you washed it or something.

Sigh.

Dear J,

 First of all, please let me say that you have the most amazing brothers.  Before you roll your eyes, hear me out.  I know they pick on you, make fun of you, and push your buttons.  I know they frustrate you.  But they have some good qualities, too.  They're smart, funny, and loyal.  And they love you fiercely.  If they ever thought you were hurt or in danger, they'd mobilize quickly.  I already feel sorry for the boy who breaks your heart someday.  I hope he never comes in contact with your brothers.

Having said all of that, your dad and I owe you an apology.  You can save this and take it to your therapist some day as proof that we take full blame for any long-term damage our error in judgment has caused.

I am so sorry that when making our list of "must" and "like to have" things for this house, "pool," and "two living spaces" and "good schools" made the list, but "J having her own bathroom so she doesn't have to share with two teenaged boys" didn't even come up.

That was a grievous error on our part--brought to my attention when I cleaned said bathroom for the first time probably since we moved in four months ago.

Okay--to the reader(s) of this blog who are now feeling a tightening in their throats and are heading toward their nearest bathrooms--calm down.  Take deep breaths.  The bathroom has been cleaned since we've been here.  Many times.  Just not by me.  I don't use it and I have three children whose ages are in the double-digits.  They are more than capable of cleaning a bathroom.

J--I know that you clean it mostly.  You are now one of my heroes.  Occasionally, one of your siblings will.  Most recently, one of your brothers got the job. Last Monday, in fact.  A "reward" for leaving his Starbucks cup next to the sink in there for a week.

But yesterday, I decided to clean it.  I figured, it was just cleaned last Monday.  How bad could it be?

The Universe--or possibly my sons--anticipated that thought and took it as a personal challenge.

I walked in and IMMEDIATELY had to open a window to air out the smell of--well, "feet" would be the nicest body part with which to compare the odor to.

Remember...this thing was cleaned a week ago.  A WEEK.  And I inspected it after it was cleaned.  This travesty occurred in less than seven days' time.

Laundry and dirty towels littered the floor.  The counter was covered with toothpaste tubes, bottles, lotions, hairbrushes, empty toilet paper tubes (still shaking my head over that one, since a trash can sits in PLAIN SIGHT) and stuff I can't  and don't want to identify.

I felt the need for a Silkwood decontamination shower (I know that you are too young to understand the Silkwood reference, dear daughter, but that's one of the beautiful things about the Internet.  Just Google it.  :o) ) after scrubbing out the tub.

And don't even get me STARTED on the toilet.  I'll spare you except to say that I have used Port-a-Potties that were cleaner.  No one should have to say that about a toilet in their own home, let alone use one.  Ever.

Anyway, again. My profound apologies.  I cannot believe that you shower and get ready for school in there every single day.  And I now understand why you ask to use my bathroom on a regular basis.  And the ongoing answer is yes.  Feel free.

If it makes you feel any better, I have two future daughters-in-law who, at this rate, are going to hate me with a seething, red-hot passion.

And the bathroom will be yours, and yours alone in four years.  Which probably seems like a terribly long time to you, but will go by very quickly.

In the meantime, I'll put your dad on the task of keeping better tabs on what it looks like in there.  :o)

I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me,

XOXO,

Mom

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

I stole this idea from my cousin, Jill.

I had every intention of posting here on a regular basis.

Now that we've moved.  Now that I'm not working.  I thought that it would be easy.  But it hasn't been.

I've sat down at this computer lots of times and looked at the blank screen with absolutely no inspiration.

None.

I thought I'd want to blog about the house.  The transition.  I thought I'd want to complain about the loneliness.  The frustrations.  The homesickness.  But I haven't.  Not that I haven't felt all of those things.  I have.

But mostly I've just been taking my kids to school, running errands, doing laundry, picking my kids up from school and running them to activities, fixing meals, helping with homework.  Wash. Rinse. Repeat.  It's been a great gig.  And a lovely respite from the last six years.  But it hasn't felt blog-worthy.  Any of it.

But stuff has happened here.  My life is different than it was in August or even October (when I posted last), yet I haven't been able to muster up the creative juices to blog on any of it.

So here's a quick low-down on what's been going on with us.  The good, the bad, and the ugly.

On Moving to Southern California:
The Good--Better half really likes his job.  The entire family likes living near the mountains and the ocean.  The weather is unbelievable.  Baseball can be played year-round.  Kids have found friends and activities.
The Bad--We miss our friends back in Kansas.  It's REALLY far and REALLY expensive to get back there.  Baseball can be played year-round.  :o)  I've loved baseball ever since my boys have been old enough to play it AND know which direction to run the bases.  But I wonder if I like it better when I get to miss it for a few months.
The Ugly--The loneliness.  And I feel loneliest in crowds.  At church.  At meetings.  At baseball games.  Where there are lots of people around and they all know each other, but they don't know me and I don't know them.  My children tell me I am WAY too interested in the personal lives of the morning talk show hosts on our local radio station, and I've got my computer set on the San Diego Zoo Pandacam for company.

On Our New House:
The Good--It's a great house.  Really.  I love that the bedrooms are all upstairs and the kids have their own bathroom.  I love that there is plenty of space for people to come visit (so come visit!).  It's beautifully landscaped.
The Bad--It could use a kitchen remodel.  Corb got a splinter in his foot from the horrible wood floor.  Not even kidding.
The Ugly--Utilities.  I about croaked.  I called the electric company and the water people thinking they'd made a huge mistake.  They laughed at me.

On Public Schools Here:
The Good--THEY. TEACH. WRITING!!!  As in, J just wrote a 3 page argumentative paper on the advantages of school uniforms in public school.  In sixth grade.  N is doing a HUGE paper on a problem in an African country and how to help solve it.  Since this is the first year that they are switching to Common Core, California is not administering most state assessment tests this year.  The teachers.  My kids have really good teachers.  I pretty much like them all.
The Bad--No money.  These schools constantly tell everyone that they have no money.  This is very likely true, as the state of California has no money.  Every school here thinks that you only have one child and that one child goes to their school.  So the Middle School thinks nothing of having an early morning practice that will render it impossible to get your High Schooler to school on time without Hermione Granger's Time Turner.
The Ugly--"donations."  Every extra-curricular activity and many curricular ones require "donations."  I know.  Those two words--require and donation--don't really go together.  But they do here.  I just love seeing on mass email reminders that "donations" for band ($150 for a year) or baseball ($175) for 5 games are "past due."  Cracks me up.  When it doesn't make me see red.  Entitlement is another "ugly" here.  The things that kids think they need, or worse, that their parents think they need.  I think that will be a constant battle to fight.

On Being a Stay at Home Mom:
The Good--I love feeling like I have time for my kids.  I'm not rushing to get them/take them/watch them so that I can cross something off of my list and move on to the next thing.
The Bad--I'm sure I'm not getting as much done around the house as I should be. I waste lots of time.
The Ugly--Most things are a lot more expensive here.

On Company:
The Good--People actually come visit us!  Our good friends two hours north have come several times.  They EVEN spent Thanksgiving with us.  Mik has been out.  Julie and Soph came.  My sister was here just last week, and we're supposed to have some visitors this weekend.  I love having people here.
The Bad--They leave.  And it always seems like the time they're here goes by way too fast!
The Ugly--Me, with tears pouring down my face in the airport parking lot after they leave.

On Marathon Training:
The Good--You couldn't ask for a better place to run.  The weather is almost always perfect.  It's got great hills.
The Bad--Surprisingly, it's been kind of hard to find time to fit it in.  That, plus minor injuries.
The Ugly--I'm worried that I'm severely behind and March 9 is either going to be the worst day of my life or my last or possibly both.

On Doing Whole30 With Better Half:
The Good--The food.  The food is normally really good.  Everything I've made, the kids and Better Half have requested I make again.  I feel better.  I don't have headaches in the morning.  I'm sleeping better.  And we're over half-way done! :o)
The Bad--Except for three times, I have cooked Every. Single. Meal. we've eaten since the morning of Jan. 6.  I'm not sure when the last time was that I've cooked so regularly.  Maybe never.  I've discovered that I don't like to cook all that much.  And I despise clean up.  So I've resorted to eating bizarre things.  My post-workout "meal" today was tuna fish out of a can and pumpkin out of a can.
The Ugly--The jar of no-bake cookies sitting on the counter that J made yesterday.

So that's it.  What we've been up to over the last few months.  Hopefully we will have something super-interesting or highly entertaining to write about very soon!