Fantasy Island

It took me the better part of three days, but I finally got the summer schedule and potential summer activities on the calendar.

I wonder if it is possible to add just one more thing to do at 6:30 pm on Monday evenings?

I'm starting to get hives.

So much for the "lazy days of summer."

That fantasy was nice while it lasted.

The Fine Line

There is a fine line between "hard" and "stupid."  

And at 7:00 am Central Time tomorrow morning, I'm gonna walk...no, run...no, probably jog and walk...probably mostly walk that line.

Back in April, a dear friend sent this text:

"Hospital Hill?"

Hospital Hill is a half Marathon in Kansas City.  So named because...wait for it...the course goes by a hospital and it has hills.  Lots of them.  Like at least 5 that were deemed worthy enough to be marked on the course map.  Probably there are more that wouldn't be considered worthy by Kansas Citian standards, but certainly will be by this rural Kansas girl's.  

Anyway...it's the oldest road race in Kansas City and I've always wanted to run it.  And this is the last year that the starting line is within driving distance from my house.  Next year, airports and the like would have to be involved.

Also (and this is VERY important to note) my friend sent me this text mid April.  I was feeling good.  Eating well.  Still on the "I-did-ALL-of-the-pullups-in-the-CrossFit-WOD-as-prescribed" high.  Kind of feeling like an invincible Badass. 

So I'm not sure I can be responsible for my response.  Which was (and I scrolled back through my texts to verify that I did respond in the affirmative):

"Yes!!!"  Three exclamation marks and everything.

All of this was before May hit.  

The month of May has kicked my tail.  There's really no other way to say it.  I have been one very long "to do" list away from the kind of depression where I just want to take to my bed, curl up under the covers and spend the rest of my life alternating between watching "The West Wing" on Netflix and sleeping.

All I have been doing is the bare minimum.  Taking care of my children well enough to keep social services from knocking on my door and working my way through the endless "to do" list.  

I have not been exercising and I certainly have not been training for any half Marathon. I have not really even been very enjoyable to be around.
 
 I kept my children alive.  I'm still married to my husband.  Our senior in high school graduated.  We had a reception.  The pile of junk in the living room is gone.  We have two working bathrooms.  I finished up my school duties and resigned from my job.  We got through a spring dance show.  Somehow, I made it through a big hunk of the "to do" list, which I thought would make me feel better and lift me out of the funk I've been in.  It didn't and it hasn't.


And I still had this race staring me in the face.  This race that my friend would not have signed up to run if I had not said I would as well.  This race that I really want to run.  


Okay.  Fine.  This race that I really want to want to run.  What I want to do is sleep and watch "The West Wing."


I asked people if they thought I was crossing the line between "hard" and "stupid" by attempting it.  My family--who has absolutely nothing to gain by me leaving town for two days and possibly being worthless for the next week--thinks I can handle it.  My extended family thinks I'll regret not trying it.  My friend who is also a personal trainer said the most obvious thing:


"It's only a half Marathon."


I'm sure some of you are rolling your eyes and saying  "ONLY" under your breath, but It's true.  

It is only a half Marathon.  13.1 miles.  Somewhere between 2 1/2 and 4 hours.

What bad things could possibly happen?

I'll have to walk part of it?

All of it?

My time will suck?

It will hurt?

I'll look like an idiot?

Sure.  Any of those things could and probably will happen.

But the worst thing that could happen is that I won't finish.  Which will 100% happen if I do not at least cross the starting line tomorrow.

And  I thought (and am thinking) about all of the UNBELIEVABLY. HARD. Things people have done or endured for way longer than it will take me to finish tomorrow--even if I have to walk the entire thing.

I'm looking forward to hanging with my dear friend this evening.  She's one of maybe two...possibly three...people in the entire world who knows every one of my deep, dark, secrets and surprisingly...likes me anyway.  Her home always feels like a peaceful haven.

I'm looking forward to running this race with her.  Yes.  that is an incredibly liberal use of the word "with."  Between the moment she crosses the finish line and I do, she will have time to find a coffee shop, grab some Java, read the paper, head home and shower...you get the idea.  So I guess I'm looking forward to riding to the race together and tackling Downtown Kansas City parking with solidarity.

I'm looking forward to this maybe being the thing that pulls me out of my funk so I can start tacking the next "to do" list and enjoying the next few months.

And I'm looking forward to the fact that tomorrow, when the Realtor comes to start the process of listing my house, I'll be  out getting conquered by the hill.  

Because I'd rather be doing just about anything else than be here for the thing that will finally mean I'm really moving.

I'm Out

I'll be honest. It's getting a little bit difficult to tread water around here.

I've got this

and this

and this

If you see anything you want...it's yours! :o)

that all needs to be finished and taken care of by this

and this

that needs to be wrapped up in the next 1 week, 3 days, 23 hours, 23 minutes and 47 seconds (but who's counting? :o) ).

Oh. And I also really want to do this

on June 1, and I'm not at all ready to tackle it.

So I'm out for awhile. If you need me, text or call. If you don't get a response by June 2...you might want to send a search party into my living room.